The One Fingered Salute

Allegations of a cover-up have left Salvation Army leadership in damage control after a leaked memo was published on a social media site.

The memo, which has since been taken down from the site but seen by The Salute, concerns the color of pantyhose worn by female officers and soldiers. After several paragraphs of prefatory material which laid out a theological and historical framework for the color requirement, the memo explained that stockings must be ‘Midnight Slate’ and that other colors are not approved for formal use.

Questions have been raised about the private nature of the communiqué, which was marked ‘Confidential to officers. Internal document only.’ The memo also stated that it wasn’t for public discussion, including posting to social media of any sort.

However, a copy of the memo was posted on the social media website Facebook but soon taken down. The poster, who is not an officer but wishes to remain anonymous, simply said that they were wrong to make such a divisive document available for public discussion. “I guess Facebook isn’t the best place to discuss the Army’s dirty laundry—or its color,” she said.

The comment thread following the original posting of the memo went into overdrive when the memo was deleted. Some commenters were angry that it had disappeared. Others were angry that it had been posted in the first place. One commenter observed that there is

…a polarity in the Army over the stocking color issue. Conservatives prefer the more traditional ‘Buloxi Gray.’ Liberal folks tend to favor ‘Deepest Onyx’. THQ have worked hard to find a suitable middle-ground and given good reasons for the choice. We should just accept it and get back to arguing about gay marriage.

Another commenter wasn’t so sure.

Theres got to be more to it than that. C’mon I’ve seen those stockings THEIR IDENTICAL. The difference isnt the COLOR its the BRAND. Somebodie’s profitting here and they dont want us to see. FOLLOW THE $$MONEY$$ PEOPLE!!

Whilst accusations and allegations have started to bunch up more than a pair of 10-denier thigh-highs during a summer rainstorm, Army leadership have remained silent about the issue, choosing only to release the following statement after several requests:

The Salvation Army respects that there are many viewpoints regarding the uniform and approved accessories. Internal discussion about suitable styles and colors is ongoing and we expect that any concerns will be discretely communicated to our Personnel Department via the usual channels.

THQ has declined requests for further comment.